I am a tomboy. The end. But recently, I'm also becoming a lot more of a girl. I own more pairs of heels than I do Converse for the first time in my life, I own more skirts and dresses than I do jeans and pairs of shorts, and yet most of the tops in my wardrobe are still printed t-shirts, that I usually pair with a blazer. I will never be a girly girl, I don't giggle like a school girl when I'm talking to boys, I all out laugh when something is funny. I don't twirl my hair when I'm talking to a boy I like, I'm more inclined to be twirling my hair out of nerves when I'm being made to talk about myself.  I don't hold back parts of my personality because I'm scared of what they might think, I love sport, I love football, and when I didn't have music as such a big part of my life could have named you the starting line-up of every club in the English Premier League. I'm not going to be anything but who I am, and because of that, I am sitting at home by myself on a Sunday night, typing a blog that is actually about nothing.

things that I learned the other day:

• Don't be too close friends with a guy or people will ask you if you're dating, even if they're four years younger than you and the idea of the two of you dating is laughable to anyone else that you tell the story too.
• Boys either consider me as a girl, or as one of the boys, there is no real inbetween.
• I like being 'one of the boys', and I hate female gossip.
• Guys want a girl who enjoys watching sport, but not one that actually knows all that much about it so that they can play the man and teach them all about it, for this reason, I'm screwed.

It's not that I hate my job, but at the end of the day, I hate my job. And this is why: the things that I have done today include and are mostly limited to: cleaning up after other people, collating numbers, alphabetising forms, processing payments on forms and answering the phone... None of this requires any real mental capacity whatsoever and I'm getting worn down by the fact that I don't have to use my brain for most of the day. I joke about it, but I seriously am losing vocabulary and brain power in the fact that I do such tedious bs all day, five days a week. I've tried to get out and find another job, but that hasn't seemed to work, there isn't very much around at the moment for me to apply for and I'm currently just trying to work out what the hell I'm supposed to do.

Welcome to day one of the rest of your life. Every day is an opportunity to make good on the plans that you have set for yourself, and every day there is an excuse not to. The most important thing is to get rid of the excuses. Life is not about excuses, life is about opportunities and taking the right steps to turn those opportunities into realities. And yet, I sit here writing this, knowing full well that there are so many opportunities out there that I keep making excuses not to take; and every day I waste hours doing things that will have no lasting impact on my life instead of simply picking up my guitar and playing some music, or sending people links to my music so that they can listen to them and help me improve them. I am my own worst enemy, it is as simple as that. My body, mind and heart sit here saying, it's time to make it happen, and they still fight themselves, telling each other that it will be fruitless, that nothing will come of it. How am I supposed to get other people to believe in me, if I find it hard to believe in myself sometimes?